(Tom Galvin) April 1, 2011 – In a stunning development today, the National Association of Broadcasters proclaimed that 2011 as the “End of the Discovery Age” and said that there was nothing left to invent. NAB also called for the immediate closure of the Patent Office, since there will be no further innovation in the world.
“NAB has a long history of supporting innovation. After all, it was our industry that came up with the Yule Log and Infomercial,” said NAB spokesman Diade Inocente. “But after a long review, we’ve come to the conclusion with the development of the DVR, there is really nothing left in the world to invent, so let’s just stop trying.”
NAB also called for the Obama Administration to retract its National Broadband Plan, which it unveiled to great fanfare last year. “We don’t need a broadband plan. Does anyone really think there will an iPhone 5? C’mon!,” said NAB’s Inocente. Instead, NAB suggested that 2011 devices, programming and features be locked.
“We have enough programming to last us 500 years,” added Inocente. “Between ‘Murder She Wrote,’ ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta’ reunion shows and “Kitchen Nightmares’ we have enough quality programming to last forever. And that doesn’t even include the ground-breaking news coming from local television outlets.”
When asked about the need for more broadband to support exciting new devices such as tablets and smart phones, NAB’s Inocente chortled: “Let’s be real. What are you going to do with them? We all know the Internet is a fad, just look at those dot-com stocks from ten years ago. The smart money is in Univision, TNT and other companies that are leading the cutting edge of communications.”
“Sure Apple got lucky once or twice, but it’s not like you can go on the Internet and watch videos of anything you want whenever you want,” said Inocente. “And anyway, if you could, what would you even call it? Youtube?”